My First Automotive Journalism Portfolio Post

"G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3" (gbodyman) 10/01/2015 at 13:51 • Filed to: Misadventures in automotive journalism

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! it is! What does everyone think? Vector W8 for your time.

Slant6 > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:02

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It’s kinda just one big paragraph.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Slant6 10/01/2015 at 14:07

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Sorry! I’m still getting the hang of formatting on Wordpress.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:08

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I’d say it suffers from a bit of an abrupt conclusion. You build the car up, and then let it go in just a couple lines. I’d add a little more about the problems you were running into that were stopping you from taking it to BC, just to flesh it out a little and bring the reader back down again gently. Other than that it looks good to me. Your writing style is interesting (and I mean "I want to read" interesting, not "wierd" interesting). I think you've got a good shot at going places, especially since this is your first article.

But what do I know, I can't write unless I'm angry.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/01/2015 at 14:09

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Thanks! I’ll try bringing it up to spec.

Slant6 > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:12

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It’s also evident you read Jalopnik. You kinda mimic their styles and there’s a dash of Mr. Regular in there somewhere. Try and develop your own style.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/01/2015 at 14:12

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Here we go! I added in a bit about the process of trying to sell it.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:14

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Better. That little extra is all it needed in my books. I’ll pass it.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Slant6 10/01/2015 at 14:14

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I’ve tried to mix up what’s good, with a little bit of my own flavor. The concise formatting of Jalopnik, the philosophical outlook of Mr. Regular, the irreverence of David E-era C&D, and the storytelling of Murilee Martin.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/01/2015 at 14:15

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I’ll try and do better with the next article. Right now, I’m still getting a feel for my style. See my response to Slant6.

Anon > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:17

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Looks awesome? Did you use flashes?

SteveLehto > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:18

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Minor pet peeve of mine: Many of the Oppos shirk the standards of the rest of the sister sites (even though Oppo is not as well-connected as it used to be). The headline standard is to cap every word.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Should be: My First Automotive Journalism Portfolio Post

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > SteveLehto 10/01/2015 at 14:21

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Don’t worry, I’ll fix it!

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Anon 10/01/2015 at 14:22

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Flashes?

Chariotoflove > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:24

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My first thoughts:

1. Good first effort. Your sentences are concise and well-constructed. That’s unusual for first-time writers. Your word selection is well done and effectively evokes the imagery I think you want. Breaking your original uni-paragraph up helped the flow.

2. I think you need more of a point to your story. I’ll explain. This is not a story that is just about the car. In this story, the car is interesting because of what it says about you and how it connects to your life. It’s not just a vehicle for your body but also for your personality and a vessel for the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that motivated you during the time you had it. You elude to as much when you say, “Little did I know how much it would come to define me.” Yet, you don’t go on to describe how it defined you. You only get as far as describing the car. Go further and relate it to the events of your life at the time, the thoughts in your head. It sounds like you were having a bit of a tumultuous family situation. How did the car relate to that, or maybe help you deal with it?

3. The last two sentences kind of hang out there and imply an emotional conclusion to something that didn’t really develop in the body of the story. So, it didn’t have the impact on me that I think you meant it to. It just kind of dangled.

It’s not often I would tell a writer to make a draft longer instead of shorter, but in this case I think there is stuff missing that you need to frame what the car meant to you. Good start! Good luck! Keep going!

P.S: Thanks for the Vector. Very cool!

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Chariotoflove 10/01/2015 at 14:26

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Thanks!

TractorPillow > SteveLehto 10/01/2015 at 14:27

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Yep! Completely agree with this point.

On another note, Steve, I just listened to your recent podcast and just want to say that you’re the best.

TractorPillow > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:28

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Did you have someone look over it first?

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > TractorPillow 10/01/2015 at 14:30

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I didn’t have anyone look at it, as nobody is around today.

TractorPillow > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 14:36

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You’re young and still developing your writing style, which is good, but you need someone that is not YOU to look things over until you get really good - that is if you are really serious about it being a career.

If you’re trying to build a portfolio, make sure it’s a good one. The best way to do that is to have someone else (preferably someone intelligent) take a peek. It’s gonna look good to you, otherwise you wouldn’t post it, but it always helps to have another person give it a critical look.

I am in graduate school now and live by the “write tipsy, proofread sober, and have someone else read it over before submitting” rule of writing.

B_dol > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 15:01

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Shows promise but you could leave out the cliches “little did I know it would come to define me” “they knew all along”. Show not tell is a writing lesson that comes to mind.

The similes are also a bit heavy handed, trying too hard to make those work. You’re finding a voice, make sure it’s your own.

SteveLehto > TractorPillow 10/01/2015 at 15:04

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Thanks. I appreciate the note.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 16:56

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Hey, no problem. First go.

Grindintosecond > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 10/01/2015 at 19:42

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Just keep on writintg. Anything. It will improve what you really want to write. What you have is good. Keep on it and don’t stop. I’m working on improving my fiction and even when I don’t want to write that day, I force myself and when It starts I’m having a good time. that’s just me. It’s fun.

Also, keep reading! Read read read! Most importantly read what you want to write, so, read reviews of the professionals out there. C&D, Autoweek, CAR, etc. There will be tendency to mimic styles of what you’re reading. Happens to any genre. You’r own style emerges over time. On here I throw shit down and don’t spend all that much time editing and re-drafting. It doesn’t seem that important-on here- to me. Elsewhere I spend loads of time on it. Shoot everyone here is lucky I capitalize a letter.

If you want to advance the story of your articles, just like the one on the Cutlass, you might consider actual story craft. Everyone can try to do their own thing but the basics are not basic because of an academic saying these are the basics. The basics are because of inherent human desire for a pattern. Protagonist, they have a problem, antagonist introduced (maintenance), protagonist trys several times to succeed and fails each time, expressing doubt. an ally is there, kicks their but back into shape wher the protag gets their act together, trains for thirty minutes to incredible eighties music, and wins in the end in the final big battle scene blowing anyone away. Standard...story...pattern.

Try writing a car story like that, and the reader will want to see the protagonists development as a person and the win in the end.

you’re doing fine. awesome in fact. Keep it up!

x87172 > TractorPillow 10/01/2015 at 20:43

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have someone else read it over before submitting

This is absolutely the key.

Don’t just get someone to look for grammar and spelling fixes, either; sit and converse with them for 5-10 mins about your article. They will casually lead you to very rich information: the high/low points of your piece, counter-arguments for you to address, logic holes, future article ideas, etc.